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Itwould be now if I was forced to live the life of a female nurse. But Iwas still not planning on doing that.Comparatively, a bit over a year ago now, a thoracic surgeon wasmurdered in the foyer of my hospital. He told the wrong Ice addict offfor smoking inside the building and got bashed to death. All filmed onCCTV too.The public outcry was enormous.Change was instituted. 24 hour security at the entrance.Staff were distressed and vigils held.As one of the psychiatry staff I was recruited for counseling anddebriefing.It was a busy time.I hadn't known him before his death, but what I learnt though, byreading between the lines of people, as I was trained to do, was thatalthough everyone was grieving and had kind words, in life he wasactually an obnoxious prick. An arrogant arsehole of a surgeon to thehighest order.Of course it was never spoken but it was a nearly universal sentiment.It was a horrible thing and the loss of a skilled surgeon; but he wasseen as a martyr and all but. Nothing. I placed an ad asking for what I wanted. Just like that. I can’t remember what I wrote now, but I imagine it was some approximation of my fantasy. Or…not really my fantasy because only someone special could have made that happen. To pretend to **** me and make it seem real and then cuddle and laugh with me later? That person does not exist, I am pretty sure. Or if they do I won’t be into that person otherwise than sexually, and that gets boring. Anyway…So I got a response. Maybe several responses but I only followed up on one. He was married, so he probably would not be able to get too attached after the fact. He was older, which is better for this scenario. Because **** is all about power, after all. And who wants to lose power to a peer? It’s demoralizing and that’s not sexy. Also he was semi-attractive. Or attractive enough to do what I wanted him to do, anyway. We e-mailed back and forth a few times. I never spoke to him on the phone. I didn’t want to become too.
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